Our intimate Relationships can contain our most triggering situations. It’s painful to get stuck in criticism, blame & anger & leave a conversation feeling lost and not sure about how to understand each other & find a way forward.
Imagine if you could enter a conversation with your partner with confidence that you would be heard & understood. Imagine if you could hear and understand your partner even though they are expressing their thinking in ways that you may feel challenged by. Imagine if you could find a way together that enables you both to be seen & your needs to matter.
Taking your time is an important strategy to keep in mind as you journey together in your communication. Taking your time includes:
- Getting clear with exactly what happened (Observation)
- Connecting to your own feelings and needs
- Getting clear on a specific request that you might have of yourself or your partner.
You might need to engage the support of a good friend to help you get clear before conversing with your partner. Your friend might give you empathy to help you to connect and then support you to find a request that is doable and clear. Or you might take time on your own to self connect and find a pathway forward.
When you are self connected, you may then go to your partner & say something like, “Hey, when I remember you coming home on Friday and telling me that you are going to accept the job, I feel confused & are needing understanding & clarity. Would you be willing to share with me what taking the job would give you?” Communicating from a clear observation, expressing your feelings & needs & making a doable request is more likely to result in a life serving connection between you & your partner. You are more likely to trust that they will also be heard & understood & that their needs also matter.