Christchurch – Valerie Wycoff and Jim Lovell-Smith


V&J Bainbridge Ferry

Valerie Wycoff
“Rejected is not a feeling – it’s a story about what happened.”  Those words which introduced to me Marshall Rosenberg’s work and contrasted feeling and thinking, enticed me to look out for a chance to learn NVC or Compassionate Communication.
In 2018, Jim and I participated in an International Intensive Training in Bali with trainers Simone Anliker, Robert Krzisnik and others. Some other NVC teachers who we have learned from include Robert Gonzales, Miki Kashtan, and Kelly Bryson. We have learned much from others in NZ including Meagan Rutherford, Phil Toms, and our first teacher Paxe.
My learnings have helped me in my relationships with family and others, and just as importantly to be kinder, more honest and more caring with myself.
My work has been primarily in teaching singing and working as a movement re-educator. I am trained in the Feldenkrais Method® which is a way of teaching how to move more effectively and really listen (compassionately and wisely) to our bodies.  Other interests of mine include performing in NZ Opera Chorus and learning and leading international folk dancing with Jim.
I am a “people person” and I love to support others to be life-long learners, to change habits, and to be more compassionate with their self-talk.

♥                                                                  ♥                                                                  ♥
Jim Lovell-Smith
Our interest in NVC was sparked at an Introductory Workshop led by Paxe Archer in 2008.  Learning to live life “with the joy of a small child feeding a hungry duck” sounded most appealing to me, as did freedom to say “no” to demands. Valerie  and I have been passionate about learning and practicing Compassionate Communication ever since.  From that time we have participated in and run study groups, led and participated in practice groups, and attended advanced courses and retreats
I am grateful that I attended an IIT (International Intensive Training) in Albuquerque in 2010, where I got the chance to meet Marshall Rosenberg. I also had an astonishing heart warming experience there, role playing my late father saying the words I longed to hear “I love you, Jim”.
Valerie and I participated in Robert Gonzales’ “Life program” which includes 4 retreats spread over 2 years. We appreciate the opportunity to experience an NVC community with all its richness.  Valerie and I offer an NVC practice group at our home fortnightly and in 2016 we began teaching Introduction to NVC Courses together.
Valerie and I have been married for nearly 40 years and we’ve appreciated the opportunities to grow our “empathy capacity” and to become more resourceful in conflicts and in coming to agreements. While we wish we’d been aware of NVC when our two children were small, we value the way our learnings have helped us connect with our adult children, and feel we are better equipped as grandparents.

Valerie and Jim may be contacted by email at: